Why is my partner always jealous?
We just came home from the birthday party of our niece Jessica. We just sat next to each other on a sofa. John, my husband, started talking about the people who joined us there.
We started with the people we met. I noticed something strange on John’s face. His tone was loud. He was angry with me. He just jumped from the sofa and pointed his finger towards me. Furthermore, he was upset that Jack appreciated my makeup, and I was looking beautiful.
I told him I didn’t know him, but he was still repeating this point and was trying to prove that I was having an extramarital affair. But he was not convinced. I was confused and depressed.
He also blamed me for the party, and we went two months back; he was upset with me that one of my colleagues, Jonathan invited me to his farewell party. John also insulted him in front of me.
Our lives were becoming a mess. It took a while to understand that we were going through difficult times. I soon decided that we should look for a therapist, and it was tough for me to take him there.
We took sessions, and Anna, our therapist, told us it would take few months to fix it. So here I have summed it up:
We acknowledged that we loved each other for more than five years now. We both were going through busy schedules, and we didn’t give quality time to each other. Likewise, we didn’t know or were carried away with the situation and didn’t know how out.
As Anna told us, we talked to each other, and we agreed that it was our common problem, and we have to work on it together.
Change of Perspective:
After a few weekends we spent together, John told me that he loved me so much and didn’t want to lose me. This underlying fear made him jealous and upset when I talked to any man in his presence.
I was happy that he shared feelings with me. I also expressed my love for him. We were glad that we understood each other’s point of view well.
Respond With Care:
When we sat down together, John used to listen to me with more attention. When he used to discuss the times, I used to tell him that he was not feeling good when I was busy talking with another man. I used to say to him that I cared for him and was caring about him. Furthermore, I assured him that I am not going to leave him.
He felt so satisfied and used to smile and kiss me. We felt compassionate about each other. We stayed close to each other for hours.
Find Out The Source:
We concluded that jealousy caused the argument between us. We soon identified that my husband was sad when I laughed with another man or even started talking.
So we agreed that whenever John felt sad or upset, he will talk to me, and we will discuss in detail and sort it out. John also told me that he will not shout at another person or will not argue with me in public.
Bring the Change:
We sat down and discussed the habits, which were leading up to a misunderstanding, between us. John identified that I spent more time on my laptop after office hours; I also told him that he did not appreciate me when I dressed well and put on makeup.
Although it looked very silly and stupid, these were some of our habits, which we’re making our lives terrible and difficult to manage. We had agreed to work on it and give time to appreciate our good behaviors.
Whenever we went on dinner together, or even a get together in our home or outside. We gave gifts to each other. I still remember John giving me a wristwatch on Valentine’s Day. I also gave him a pair of shoes on his birthday.
When we worked on our relationship, we were happier. I remember, one day we were romancing, our doorbell rang. John told me to open the door. He has planned a surprise for me. It was a pack of sad romance novels wrapped in a gift paper of hearts.
I was overjoyed and hugged him, and he kissed me. I thanked him for the wonderful gift. We spent time together on weekdays; we used to read pages to each other. It was so wonderful and romantic.
Now we are open and express whatever we feel empty with each other. This we learned with time and gave importance to each other’s point of view. I also have minimized talking to other men at the party. On the other hand, John has also understood that he also participates with me. We often laugh and appreciate each other’s presence in public.
Even other people around have noticed a positive change within us. They welcome us more warmly. We also have parties in our homes. It is all about mutual trust, love, and treating each other with respect and an open heart.